So here I am, once again finding myself a couple months past posting. This is a tendency that I must correct. I did not realize that Trackmania sucked up that much of my time. I got pretty far in, but now, being without a computer of my own, I have turned to an online ccg by the name of Pox Nora. Partly the allure was joining the ranks of co-workers who play, but having had the opportunity to go through a few games, I think it is definitely an interesting ordeal.
There is always a bit of me that rebels at purchasing better cards, but I also have to admit that
I was an avid Star Wars CCG player for a few of my younger years. So here we are in a game that gives you 20 card decks (with cards having recharge rates after death/use) and, the kicker, an actual playing field with which to spread out and battle. It's definitely a fun system, though I am still coming to terms with the various abilities and perks that each unit has. The frustrating element of the game for me is that, though the entire system is basically supported via browser, I feel as if the whole interface was built somewhat poorly. Information in regard to actual decks and strategy and spells and such seem all to be very spread out.
The buddy system is also clearly unfinished, as it really doesn't allow much to be done. In the end, it seems that the game itself has quite a lot of potential, but much could be done about presenting information in a clear and logical manner. For example, when any action is taken by anything in the game, any tooltip you have floated open is then closed. Simple things could make the whole interface simply cleaner. Which is all too bad, since the actual artistic element is about as high as it could be. Beautiful art adorn the cards and make the whole game feel very rich. It has many factions, lots of depth to strategies, a quick pace via timer-constrained turns. So many good things. You really just have to get past the interface.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Trackmania Addicted
So I've returned to an old habit. That of spending spare minutes logging into the hypersensitive Trackmania United Forever. Right now I'm in fact debating whether or not to abandon this post just to grab a few more moments racing around a ridiculously large arena and its fascinating and varied tracks. Trackmania United Forever is the pseudo-sequel to Trackmania Nations, and it would seem to be almost identical in many respects.
The game is a free download available on Steam (maybe elsewhere) and tasks you with racing around ridiculously clean tracks, trying to beat a series of racing-times. The posted times are the classic Bronze, Silver, and Gold, but there is also a fourth medal which is unstated but won when you beat the fastest developer time. Only on a couple occasions have I won that medal, and only in the previous game. The fact is that the two games seem the same sans the different interface and the new tracks and track types. The game looks the same and plays the same, with simple arrow key controls and a convenient restart button. It requires careful handling as you progress through the game and much patience to master each track.
The game excels in its simplicity. I really don't have any complaints because there is so little to the actual design. You are given a track, a car, and a time to beat. The car handles beautifully, responding to the different kinds of tracks with great give, and there's much fun to be had in sliding around certain corners. The one gripe I have actually comes outside of the game itself. The game tracks your medals against all the Trackmania players in the world, your country, and your state. But for some reason when playing via Steam, the account only loads locally, so logging on to the server, I can't unlock my medals won on a different computer. Just a little frustrating.
Either way, I highly recommend the game. Especially for the price of nothing. I'll be the Randallion Stallion, crawling my way up the leaderboards.
The game is a free download available on Steam (maybe elsewhere) and tasks you with racing around ridiculously clean tracks, trying to beat a series of racing-times. The posted times are the classic Bronze, Silver, and Gold, but there is also a fourth medal which is unstated but won when you beat the fastest developer time. Only on a couple occasions have I won that medal, and only in the previous game. The fact is that the two games seem the same sans the different interface and the new tracks and track types. The game looks the same and plays the same, with simple arrow key controls and a convenient restart button. It requires careful handling as you progress through the game and much patience to master each track.
The game excels in its simplicity. I really don't have any complaints because there is so little to the actual design. You are given a track, a car, and a time to beat. The car handles beautifully, responding to the different kinds of tracks with great give, and there's much fun to be had in sliding around certain corners. The one gripe I have actually comes outside of the game itself. The game tracks your medals against all the Trackmania players in the world, your country, and your state. But for some reason when playing via Steam, the account only loads locally, so logging on to the server, I can't unlock my medals won on a different computer. Just a little frustrating.
Either way, I highly recommend the game. Especially for the price of nothing. I'll be the Randallion Stallion, crawling my way up the leaderboards.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Spring time and early birds
On my previous internship (last January through June), 5 students total were brought on as paid interns. One of the ice-breakers the leaders of the company did was to have everyone (including the heads of the company) go round and declare their favorite toy. I was amazed to discover that at least three of my fellow interns chose Sega Genesis. Having played many games on the system, such as Shadowrun (as previously mentioned on this blog) and Aladdin (one of the funnest platformers I've played through), I can attest to the Genesis being the 2nd heyday of the consoles after the original NES.
My favorite toy was something else entirely, though, and it was actually somewhat sad for me to hear that a favorite toy was a gaming console. Don't get me wrong, I love games in every way, yet my favorite toy was my bike. Shouldn't that be what we strive for? I realize that as American children we go through so many toys so that tools (the game system and the bike) become the single object we remember most. But is that what we want of children in the world? I hope that if I ever have a son or daughter, he/she will not choose a gaming console as his/her greatest possession. I hope to raise a different child.
And on a final note: I love spring. Right now there are birds in the trees at this early hour (3am) chirping away beautifully. My close friend informed me that the lack of darkness in Boston (so many streetlights and such) is the probable cause, screwing up the sleep patterns of birds. Either way, it's a great way to leave a building early in the morning.
I'm out, gnight everyone!
My favorite toy was something else entirely, though, and it was actually somewhat sad for me to hear that a favorite toy was a gaming console. Don't get me wrong, I love games in every way, yet my favorite toy was my bike. Shouldn't that be what we strive for? I realize that as American children we go through so many toys so that tools (the game system and the bike) become the single object we remember most. But is that what we want of children in the world? I hope that if I ever have a son or daughter, he/she will not choose a gaming console as his/her greatest possession. I hope to raise a different child.
And on a final note: I love spring. Right now there are birds in the trees at this early hour (3am) chirping away beautifully. My close friend informed me that the lack of darkness in Boston (so many streetlights and such) is the probable cause, screwing up the sleep patterns of birds. Either way, it's a great way to leave a building early in the morning.
I'm out, gnight everyone!
Monday, April 7, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Fantasy on the Street
One of my favorite games of all time is Shadowrun, a game for Sega Genesis (and SNES, but I don't know how that was between differences and control scheme). The game created a full region of Seattle and surrounding regions where the player could choose an amazing number of paths, from working with the law or against it or working for or against major corporations. It was an incredible experience where I really felt like I was part of a major city with the choice to actually attack large million-dollar corporations if I wanted, and not only physically with guns or stealth, but also through a whole secondary game mode via hacking through cyberspace. I liken it to a more open-ended gta 3 and I still wait for them to produce a true remake to that masterpiece. They recently released a team-based shooter and though I haven't played it, I know that a team-based shooter is not what I'm looking for.
The reason I bring this game up is that it took a cyberpunk world and placed elves and dwarves and ogres into the world. It was thrilling and totally worked. Sometimes when I'm walking (a surprising amount of the time) I will encounter people that look like they should be in a storybook. I see gnomes and elves and it's awesome. I'm not sure if I had the power to place them in their appropriate world, if I would. Because after all, they also make this world a little more magical to me. Getting to walk by a man who should have a hut in the forest where he cooks food for his numerous wolf-friends, it makes my mind wander. I'm thankful for so many things that make this life awesome, and just having a little fantasy in reality satiates my imagination.
The reason I bring this game up is that it took a cyberpunk world and placed elves and dwarves and ogres into the world. It was thrilling and totally worked. Sometimes when I'm walking (a surprising amount of the time) I will encounter people that look like they should be in a storybook. I see gnomes and elves and it's awesome. I'm not sure if I had the power to place them in their appropriate world, if I would. Because after all, they also make this world a little more magical to me. Getting to walk by a man who should have a hut in the forest where he cooks food for his numerous wolf-friends, it makes my mind wander. I'm thankful for so many things that make this life awesome, and just having a little fantasy in reality satiates my imagination.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
So let's just say that it's really late at night and I'm not that tired but realize I will be in a few hours. Sometimes I work really late in the animation lab even though I've not the heart. I am finding myself more and more drawn to interactive simulations. I've begun to read up on AI and I'm really just fascinated by the concept of emergent gameplay. How will my personal project end up actually feeling in style, I wonder, as I know that the development of the world in my mini-game will be entirely dependent upon balancing variables correctly. I believe that these variables will determine the mood of the outcomes, so how difficult will it be for me to actually find the correct values? I want to start building a mock-up/alpha of the game, but I fear that if not everything is spec-ed out, then things will unravel.
In other news, Geckoman, the game I've worked on nearing 2 years now, finally got its release at the Boston Museum of Science. It was fantastic, but unfortunately my eyelids have decided that now they are sleepy. So good night to all.
p.s. my boss has worked with: Richard Garriott, Doug Church, Shigeru Miyamoto, Chris Roberts, Ned Lerner, John Romero, Warren Spector.
This. Is. Awesome. Methinks I need to drill him for more advice.
In other news, Geckoman, the game I've worked on nearing 2 years now, finally got its release at the Boston Museum of Science. It was fantastic, but unfortunately my eyelids have decided that now they are sleepy. So good night to all.
p.s. my boss has worked with: Richard Garriott, Doug Church, Shigeru Miyamoto, Chris Roberts, Ned Lerner, John Romero, Warren Spector.
This. Is. Awesome. Methinks I need to drill him for more advice.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Unnamed project
That's a lie. My project does have a name, but I'm trying to keep it off the web, as it's still very much in the design stage. I mentioned this, but I am trying to work on game design daily, because persistence is the key to success. Right? I love simple ideas like that and all the exceptions they allow.
But onto the project. Tonight, since I must get up early, I am combining my blog with my game design thoughts and musings for the night. The questions I have to ask as I'm constructing this series of game vignettes is: what do I want the player to experience? What is my goal for making this game? Do I want the purpose to be on an individual level? What should the player feel after playing? Do I even want to use the term that the person "plays" the vignettes?
The potential I see within games and the particular area that fascinates me the most is the idea of simulation, specifically an organic simulation, such as Will Wright's godly game Spore set to arrive in a few months. I have not really gotten into playing an MMO for the simple fact that I want my environment to be authentic. I'll admit that I'm looking into Lord Of The Rings Online, as I heard it was a great game for entering the environments, but in general, the environment within an MMO is set by the players, and thus just another social world. The possibilities that I see revolve around creating entirely new simulated systems and placing the player within. How does a player react to the world around them depending on how that world lives? MMOs are safe social environments, they're about the interaction with other humans.
But my vignettes, I've realized, along with the games that I'm either most interested in or most interested in making, create simulated worlds. Set the starting conditions, and let artificial life have its go. Indeed, one of my games will be a derivative of pac-man and part of the reason for that is that pac-man is one of the earliest game biology simulators. It puts the player into an environment with 3 hostile creatures that will navigate terrain to eat the player, meanwhile the player has to consume all the food (white bread tablets?) to survive until the next environment. And maybe I'm putting Pac-Man on too high a pedestal, but that simple game still is one of the most renowned "video games" of all time and I would argue it is because it created a simple simulation system with varying environments to change the challenge. And so, in addition to attempting to create a variation on that, I'm working on multiple other knock-offs of other games, all the while trying to make it worth my while. Hopefully my imitation will pay eventually.
But onto the project. Tonight, since I must get up early, I am combining my blog with my game design thoughts and musings for the night. The questions I have to ask as I'm constructing this series of game vignettes is: what do I want the player to experience? What is my goal for making this game? Do I want the purpose to be on an individual level? What should the player feel after playing? Do I even want to use the term that the person "plays" the vignettes?
The potential I see within games and the particular area that fascinates me the most is the idea of simulation, specifically an organic simulation, such as Will Wright's godly game Spore set to arrive in a few months. I have not really gotten into playing an MMO for the simple fact that I want my environment to be authentic. I'll admit that I'm looking into Lord Of The Rings Online, as I heard it was a great game for entering the environments, but in general, the environment within an MMO is set by the players, and thus just another social world. The possibilities that I see revolve around creating entirely new simulated systems and placing the player within. How does a player react to the world around them depending on how that world lives? MMOs are safe social environments, they're about the interaction with other humans.
But my vignettes, I've realized, along with the games that I'm either most interested in or most interested in making, create simulated worlds. Set the starting conditions, and let artificial life have its go. Indeed, one of my games will be a derivative of pac-man and part of the reason for that is that pac-man is one of the earliest game biology simulators. It puts the player into an environment with 3 hostile creatures that will navigate terrain to eat the player, meanwhile the player has to consume all the food (white bread tablets?) to survive until the next environment. And maybe I'm putting Pac-Man on too high a pedestal, but that simple game still is one of the most renowned "video games" of all time and I would argue it is because it created a simple simulation system with varying environments to change the challenge. And so, in addition to attempting to create a variation on that, I'm working on multiple other knock-offs of other games, all the while trying to make it worth my while. Hopefully my imitation will pay eventually.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Surfing my music
Well, I've discovered the game that everyone else is discovering via Steam, and that game is Audiosurf. It would seem that I've become most enamored with 5-minute games of late with my limited free time, and Audiosurf is the perfect game, because it's a game that makes music interactive. I am a radio dj on my college station, wrbb ( wrbbradio.org, Sunday nights 9-11pm EST ::wink wink:: ), and part of the reason I volunteer my time 2 hours a week to working at the station is that I love the depths of the music world. There are so many genres and so many amazing pieces of music that I can't help but enjoy playing music for others.
Meanwhile, Audiosurf allows me a new way of interacting with music by building a simple Puzzlequest/Guitar Hero game on top of any music you have on your computer. It analyzes your music and constructs a 3 or 5 lane track with various blocks spread out over the length of your song and placed on beats. You must collect the blocks into groups. The thing that makes the game great is that it gives you a real sense of the flow of your music, from the tempo changing how fast your character moves to the beats determining the frequency of collectible blocks. Also it gives a multitude of play styles available through the choice of avatars, which interact with the track in different ways or affect the difficulty of the track. I've been playing on the simplest mode (albeit at medium difficulty) and the game has allowed me to explore my music. It's a fun diversion for random times and further destroys the little amounts of free time I still have.
So don't play Audiosurf unless you're in the mood for only listening and experiencing music. It's great for that, but an evil timesink otherwise.
Meanwhile I'm trying to work on game-design half an hour a day no matter my other tasks, because I need to start really getting better at this stuff, and only with persistence can I complete my goals. Struggle onward, readers, fight through. And rest once in a while, that's the other thing I gotta work on...
-the musater
Meanwhile, Audiosurf allows me a new way of interacting with music by building a simple Puzzlequest/Guitar Hero game on top of any music you have on your computer. It analyzes your music and constructs a 3 or 5 lane track with various blocks spread out over the length of your song and placed on beats. You must collect the blocks into groups. The thing that makes the game great is that it gives you a real sense of the flow of your music, from the tempo changing how fast your character moves to the beats determining the frequency of collectible blocks. Also it gives a multitude of play styles available through the choice of avatars, which interact with the track in different ways or affect the difficulty of the track. I've been playing on the simplest mode (albeit at medium difficulty) and the game has allowed me to explore my music. It's a fun diversion for random times and further destroys the little amounts of free time I still have.
So don't play Audiosurf unless you're in the mood for only listening and experiencing music. It's great for that, but an evil timesink otherwise.
Meanwhile I'm trying to work on game-design half an hour a day no matter my other tasks, because I need to start really getting better at this stuff, and only with persistence can I complete my goals. Struggle onward, readers, fight through. And rest once in a while, that's the other thing I gotta work on...
-the musater
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Cell-phone waist clips and Fez
What do you think about people when you see that they're wearing their cell-phone on a waist clip? I think nerd, and I wonder if the person wearing said clip thinks nerd? There is something about wearing a utilitarian item in view that makes people look like they want to be known for what they do. And so you're either a sandwich-board crazy or you're a nerd. Well, I guess you also have policeman with their belts, and then there are construction workers with their tools. But nerds break the boundaries, because they continue to exist as such beyond their working hours. Even the sandwich-board guy probably doesn't wear his hellfire filled piece of plywood around during all of his waking hours. I wonder if he has some sort of carrying case for it.
Has anyone ever known they look cool when they have something clipped to the side of their clothing? I often forget to take my nametag off after meetings/events and realize a couple hours later while riding public transportation. I know right then I'm not cool. I also will check my hair in the windows of the subway at that moment to check for double-humiliation. I guess my point is that I found recently the waist clip that came with my cell-phone and I laughed at its existence. I realize and want to acknowledge that some will wear the clip for a set period of time and with the utilitarian view in mind. I just want to be there for the person that found that clip and couldn't wait to try it it.
And how many people wear fezzes? Is that a common thing elsewhere? Where? The reason I bring up fezzes is that I was recently shown a game called Fez that looks brilliant. In the vein of Paper Mario (which I have not played but seen), this game takes a 3d world and brings a 2d element to it. But one of the coolest interpretations I've ever seen. The basic task I saw was to ascend from one floating platform to the next (woop-de-doo, every platformer ever...) in a 3d world. However, when you switch views, you go into a 2d-view and the z-depth is no longer relevant. So if something is almost directly North of you by a couple hundred feet , go into the North-South view, and suddenly the North-South distance is taken out of the picture! Only East-West and up-down matter, the other axis is negated as it becomes a standard 2d sidescroller. And then once you've gotten to the new platform, go back to 3d. Awesome. Check it out, people, check it out.
http://kotaku.com/359004/fez-gdc-trailer
Has anyone ever known they look cool when they have something clipped to the side of their clothing? I often forget to take my nametag off after meetings/events and realize a couple hours later while riding public transportation. I know right then I'm not cool. I also will check my hair in the windows of the subway at that moment to check for double-humiliation. I guess my point is that I found recently the waist clip that came with my cell-phone and I laughed at its existence. I realize and want to acknowledge that some will wear the clip for a set period of time and with the utilitarian view in mind. I just want to be there for the person that found that clip and couldn't wait to try it it.
And how many people wear fezzes? Is that a common thing elsewhere? Where? The reason I bring up fezzes is that I was recently shown a game called Fez that looks brilliant. In the vein of Paper Mario (which I have not played but seen), this game takes a 3d world and brings a 2d element to it. But one of the coolest interpretations I've ever seen. The basic task I saw was to ascend from one floating platform to the next (woop-de-doo, every platformer ever...) in a 3d world. However, when you switch views, you go into a 2d-view and the z-depth is no longer relevant. So if something is almost directly North of you by a couple hundred feet , go into the North-South view, and suddenly the North-South distance is taken out of the picture! Only East-West and up-down matter, the other axis is negated as it becomes a standard 2d sidescroller. And then once you've gotten to the new platform, go back to 3d. Awesome. Check it out, people, check it out.
http://kotaku.com/359004/fez-gdc-trailer
Friday, February 15, 2008
A plethora of people
It still amazes me to encounter the variety of characters that exist in this world. At times I'm saddened by it, other times overjoyed, and in the last couple of days I have just been perplexed. Maybe it helps that many of these perplexing people are out on the streets, but I am amazed at how people survive, how they actually stay alive in the winter streets of Boston (and everywhere else in the world).
A couple nights ago I went for a walk out to the Charles. It was snowing and the atmosphere just felt right for an evening stroll through the powder white streets. It was snowing a little heavier than my ideal conditions, but nonetheless well worth it wandering that evening. During this walk, however, I encountered some of the strangest people I'd ever been near. They were a couple old men, must have been at least 70 each, and they were standing in the doorway of a store, just out of the snow. They looked normal enough, almost what I would picture as the standard fellow in London a hundred years back in terms of garb. But one was snarling, almost like a dog. Just standing there, like a rabid animal, a man of some 70 years. What can I feel about his situation, because I was definitely lost for words. To think that this man has lived to this age, and something in that time has created who he is now. An old man snarling like a dog in the snow in some closed store's doorway. And right behind him another man stood, speaking random things, occasionally singing. After we had passed, I turned back to look at them, and the more sane [?] man was peering out from the doorway, looking quickly back and forth and then withdrawing back to shelter.
Unreal. The other person I was walking with thought that perhaps they were intentionally trying to weird people out. I feel different. Society does not always work for people. People grow up and are molded by their environment. But what happens when their minds fight back against what society is teaching them? Is that what happened to these men? When did people know they would be doomed to such a life? Did their relatives once take care of them and then, upon passing from this life, leave them to their own confused lives? I don't know why the world works the way it does, but it boggles my mind. I can only hope that I maintain my own hold on society. I care about these snarling, confused men, and what does it mean to share or not share their fate?
A couple nights ago I went for a walk out to the Charles. It was snowing and the atmosphere just felt right for an evening stroll through the powder white streets. It was snowing a little heavier than my ideal conditions, but nonetheless well worth it wandering that evening. During this walk, however, I encountered some of the strangest people I'd ever been near. They were a couple old men, must have been at least 70 each, and they were standing in the doorway of a store, just out of the snow. They looked normal enough, almost what I would picture as the standard fellow in London a hundred years back in terms of garb. But one was snarling, almost like a dog. Just standing there, like a rabid animal, a man of some 70 years. What can I feel about his situation, because I was definitely lost for words. To think that this man has lived to this age, and something in that time has created who he is now. An old man snarling like a dog in the snow in some closed store's doorway. And right behind him another man stood, speaking random things, occasionally singing. After we had passed, I turned back to look at them, and the more sane [?] man was peering out from the doorway, looking quickly back and forth and then withdrawing back to shelter.
Unreal. The other person I was walking with thought that perhaps they were intentionally trying to weird people out. I feel different. Society does not always work for people. People grow up and are molded by their environment. But what happens when their minds fight back against what society is teaching them? Is that what happened to these men? When did people know they would be doomed to such a life? Did their relatives once take care of them and then, upon passing from this life, leave them to their own confused lives? I don't know why the world works the way it does, but it boggles my mind. I can only hope that I maintain my own hold on society. I care about these snarling, confused men, and what does it mean to share or not share their fate?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Rules of Fashion
So every once in a while I have to stop and stare at the people around me, because people dress so amusingly (here's one of my "usually amusing muses"). Like, just last night when I was walking home from the gym, I saw this kid across the street and his beanie looked like he had pulled it too far down, as it more than covered his ears and hair, and it looked as if it was even over his eyes. But I considered it only a trick of the light and the distance. Until I realized that he actually had his neck craned back. He couldn't look straight forward without tilting his head back to see from under his beanie. That, my friends and readers, is stupid. It reminds me of one of the characters from a comic book, I think one of Harvey Pekar's tomes, if I recall, with a character so strangely stylized as to have his beanie pulled down over his eyes (but if I recall correctly, he also had holes in his beanie).
But let us move on to gangstas. Gangstas, so called because they are incredibly hardcore, have often been spotted wearing airbrushed giant t-shirts of Captain Crunch and Mario (one of those two famous brothers) blinged out. This is clearly a sign of subtle corporate branding that was somehow successful when they were little children. And now that they aren't little, they see these commercial icons to be role models of cool. And Mario and Cap'n Crunch are cool, but we respect their coolness by eating their cereal and crawling through sewers. Hmm, Nintendo cereal, sounds fantastic.
And then we get to the main focus of my post on fashion. Girls who wear EVERYTHING. There seems to be this trend, intensifying since probably about 2000, where we no longer create anything new. Thus, instead of new styles (architecture, clothing, movies), new fashions, our fashions are the remixings of previous eras. And this, my dear readers, has ended in disaster. There are certainly people who know what they are doing when they select from their variety of clothes and create an intriguing ensemble. But the majority of people don't know what the fuck they are doing. Hell, I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to keeping up appearances. Just please, people, clashing clothes are, almost always (in fact, let's just say always), unpleasant to look at. Don't wear clothes over other clothes that aren't intended to be layered.
And for heaven's sake, just think about how you want people to see you. I don't care, much of the time, so that's why I wear the easiest thing I can find. If it's clean, I'll probably wear it. And that's how my rule of fashion works. How do your rules work?
But let us move on to gangstas. Gangstas, so called because they are incredibly hardcore, have often been spotted wearing airbrushed giant t-shirts of Captain Crunch and Mario (one of those two famous brothers) blinged out. This is clearly a sign of subtle corporate branding that was somehow successful when they were little children. And now that they aren't little, they see these commercial icons to be role models of cool. And Mario and Cap'n Crunch are cool, but we respect their coolness by eating their cereal and crawling through sewers. Hmm, Nintendo cereal, sounds fantastic.
And then we get to the main focus of my post on fashion. Girls who wear EVERYTHING. There seems to be this trend, intensifying since probably about 2000, where we no longer create anything new. Thus, instead of new styles (architecture, clothing, movies), new fashions, our fashions are the remixings of previous eras. And this, my dear readers, has ended in disaster. There are certainly people who know what they are doing when they select from their variety of clothes and create an intriguing ensemble. But the majority of people don't know what the fuck they are doing. Hell, I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to keeping up appearances. Just please, people, clashing clothes are, almost always (in fact, let's just say always), unpleasant to look at. Don't wear clothes over other clothes that aren't intended to be layered.
And for heaven's sake, just think about how you want people to see you. I don't care, much of the time, so that's why I wear the easiest thing I can find. If it's clean, I'll probably wear it. And that's how my rule of fashion works. How do your rules work?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
It's late, and I'm just back from the gym, about to go to sleep (or rather, about to lay in bed and play Zelda: Phantom Hourglass for a bit), but I've been pondering at random points during the day (at the encouragement of my wonderful girlfriend) Christianity in today's world and I feel I should solidify my thoughts.
You might be noticing a sort of God/religion trend in my posts, and I hope you don't mind, but I'm not trying to make any of you Christian that don't want to be. In fact, let me tell you that, after talking with my animation "professor" this evening, I apparently have a mindset much closer to Eastern (Buddhist?) thought, as I look often at the environment before the individual. For, well, the environment is what is beautiful to me, and this is apparently what Easterners look at first, whereas Westerners are much more likely to look at the individual (Jesus!).
So while I sip my apple cider and deal with this slowly overbearing mustache getting in the way of drinking fluids, I wonder how the transition came about that has changed what exactly a Christian is, and in fact, what has a Christian meant throughout the ages? Unfortunately, I am no scholar at all, more a naive philosopher, who likes to think that Christianity was the socialist struggle against capitalist/totalitarian oppression. Jesus fought with his words (and miracles of healing) against doing everything for oneself. It was always about doing things for others and ultimately, for God. And God was everyone! That seemed always to be the point he was making. In letting a poor man die, we were letting God die. In praising God, we were praising our own existence. The path, Jesus argued, was to live in harmony, trying to bring everyone up rather than creating crisply defined tiers as are found in capitalist societies then and now. He and his disciples fought to change society.
But what is society now and where does Christianity lie in the spectrum? Christianity now is about maintaining our current values. So what that says is that we have done what Jesus asked, and we want it to stay that way. We have found Jesus's path, and need no more. But what is Christianity really like as seen by myself? (I would argue "as seen by the majority" but I won't pretend to know such statistics.)
Christianity is a force by which many are led to believe that only belief in Christ will save us. Only by strictly following guidelines set forth by one man (and later translators) may we shine in the light of God. No! Jesus was against that! He wanted us to break with the standards of the time and be willing to LOVE EVERYONE. He didn't have contempt for others. And my issue with this whole thing is that Christianity can still be found marketing itself as "underground". Various Christian organizations promote themselves as the new underground. Join in counter-culture, they say. But Christianity is the culture, and the problem is that what Christianity has become is not a way of life, but rather a set of beliefs.
Get it? Christ doesn't matter. As far as I can tell He knew that. He only wanted us to look at him for inspiration. He would have preferred us to follow him like many follow Buddha. A teacher to mentor us. A light burning strong in the night to find solace in. And if we don't see that light, or we don't need that light, then fine. As long as we try to find our way through the rocky tumbling seas.
In the end, we will be embraced one way or another and rejoin the universe.
You might be noticing a sort of God/religion trend in my posts, and I hope you don't mind, but I'm not trying to make any of you Christian that don't want to be. In fact, let me tell you that, after talking with my animation "professor" this evening, I apparently have a mindset much closer to Eastern (Buddhist?) thought, as I look often at the environment before the individual. For, well, the environment is what is beautiful to me, and this is apparently what Easterners look at first, whereas Westerners are much more likely to look at the individual (Jesus!).
So while I sip my apple cider and deal with this slowly overbearing mustache getting in the way of drinking fluids, I wonder how the transition came about that has changed what exactly a Christian is, and in fact, what has a Christian meant throughout the ages? Unfortunately, I am no scholar at all, more a naive philosopher, who likes to think that Christianity was the socialist struggle against capitalist/totalitarian oppression. Jesus fought with his words (and miracles of healing) against doing everything for oneself. It was always about doing things for others and ultimately, for God. And God was everyone! That seemed always to be the point he was making. In letting a poor man die, we were letting God die. In praising God, we were praising our own existence. The path, Jesus argued, was to live in harmony, trying to bring everyone up rather than creating crisply defined tiers as are found in capitalist societies then and now. He and his disciples fought to change society.
But what is society now and where does Christianity lie in the spectrum? Christianity now is about maintaining our current values. So what that says is that we have done what Jesus asked, and we want it to stay that way. We have found Jesus's path, and need no more. But what is Christianity really like as seen by myself? (I would argue "as seen by the majority" but I won't pretend to know such statistics.)
Christianity is a force by which many are led to believe that only belief in Christ will save us. Only by strictly following guidelines set forth by one man (and later translators) may we shine in the light of God. No! Jesus was against that! He wanted us to break with the standards of the time and be willing to LOVE EVERYONE. He didn't have contempt for others. And my issue with this whole thing is that Christianity can still be found marketing itself as "underground". Various Christian organizations promote themselves as the new underground. Join in counter-culture, they say. But Christianity is the culture, and the problem is that what Christianity has become is not a way of life, but rather a set of beliefs.
Get it? Christ doesn't matter. As far as I can tell He knew that. He only wanted us to look at him for inspiration. He would have preferred us to follow him like many follow Buddha. A teacher to mentor us. A light burning strong in the night to find solace in. And if we don't see that light, or we don't need that light, then fine. As long as we try to find our way through the rocky tumbling seas.
In the end, we will be embraced one way or another and rejoin the universe.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday nights, a broad
I clear the night sky of electricity
I arch my back but lean forward
I'm lost in the tunnels and streets
Carried by no particular feet
To destinations of comfort and social ambiguity.
You're not here
Not so near
The waves smear
The shores
Of refuse.
And you'll sit thinking of me, beside the lonely crowded bar
Where I'm not.
I'm caught.
I fought
For you from my heart
Random chances blown out of proportion.
Dissolved into mists around who I am.
In your arms
I fade into you.
I arch my back but lean forward
I'm lost in the tunnels and streets
Carried by no particular feet
To destinations of comfort and social ambiguity.
You're not here
Not so near
The waves smear
The shores
Of refuse.
And you'll sit thinking of me, beside the lonely crowded bar
Where I'm not.
I'm caught.
I fought
For you from my heart
Random chances blown out of proportion.
Dissolved into mists around who I am.
In your arms
I fade into you.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Good and Bad
When I was a little kid I took CCD classes. These were Catholic church lessons that I went to once a week to color in pictures of Jesus and learn that God loves us. One of these times our teacher asked us who God loves, and I've always been one to answer the questions in class, so I did.
"God loves good people," I responded, feeling pretty sure of myself. But the teacher looked at me and explained that no, God actually loves all people. This was new to me, yet as soon as she told me this, I knew my answer had been deeply wrong. How could the world really go on if God had it out for bad people? cause people do lots of bad things. And then how do we define people as good or bad? Do we average out the good and the bad elements? How many of our thoughts on even those attributes are just opinions?
I still struggle with accepting people. It's funny, because I'd like to think I'm tolerant, but it is a constant battle to look beyond the faults of others. Maybe I can't get beyond my own faults? God loves all of us, but does he love me? If he doesn't, then I need to be better. If I need to be better, certainly every flaw I spot in someone else could be improved upon.
God loves all people. But I don't. I get stuck in the mires of judgment. I wade through the swamps of filth that inhabit my mind as I look up at the countless bright leaves that inhabit the character of people. I see the red, poisonous leaves. With difficulty I look at the other leaves of green. Couldn't I just drop my head instead of craning it, couldn't I just take note of the thick, well-worn and comfortable trunk of that person? Or maybe the spindly trunk, trying to hold up poison while green leaves struggle forth? Or even the branches, couldn't I tell which ones have the fungus eating away at them and which others are strong and peacefully climbing to the heavens?
I am in the forest, and I can't see my own leaves, I'm caught under them, and not letting them be part of me. I need to become all of myself, I need to accept what is me. Then I might notice how beautiful the trees are, how glorious this forest is.
"God loves good people," I responded, feeling pretty sure of myself. But the teacher looked at me and explained that no, God actually loves all people. This was new to me, yet as soon as she told me this, I knew my answer had been deeply wrong. How could the world really go on if God had it out for bad people? cause people do lots of bad things. And then how do we define people as good or bad? Do we average out the good and the bad elements? How many of our thoughts on even those attributes are just opinions?
I still struggle with accepting people. It's funny, because I'd like to think I'm tolerant, but it is a constant battle to look beyond the faults of others. Maybe I can't get beyond my own faults? God loves all of us, but does he love me? If he doesn't, then I need to be better. If I need to be better, certainly every flaw I spot in someone else could be improved upon.
God loves all people. But I don't. I get stuck in the mires of judgment. I wade through the swamps of filth that inhabit my mind as I look up at the countless bright leaves that inhabit the character of people. I see the red, poisonous leaves. With difficulty I look at the other leaves of green. Couldn't I just drop my head instead of craning it, couldn't I just take note of the thick, well-worn and comfortable trunk of that person? Or maybe the spindly trunk, trying to hold up poison while green leaves struggle forth? Or even the branches, couldn't I tell which ones have the fungus eating away at them and which others are strong and peacefully climbing to the heavens?
I am in the forest, and I can't see my own leaves, I'm caught under them, and not letting them be part of me. I need to become all of myself, I need to accept what is me. Then I might notice how beautiful the trees are, how glorious this forest is.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Commuting
That's right. The arduous task that many billions of people go through everyday to get from their home to their place of work. Of course, now that I'm thinking of my commute, I wonder what exactly would be the shortest commute. If a homeless man begs for change, is his change from unconsciousness to consciousness a commute? Well, I guess now that all depends on your view, but in the end, I guess the point is that no matter the distance, physical or psychological, it is a task. And I think I have a great commute.
My commute takes approximately an hour, with me leaving me walking to the T (the Boston subway system), taking it for about 15 minutes, waiting another 15 minutes, and then riding a train for about 20 minutes. After I leap off the train with a superhuman jump, I walk not much more than a minute to work. That is a great commute because I don't do anything for that time, it's a period where I can focus on my own thoughts or read the thoughts of others. I love that feeling. It gives me peace for a good 45 minutes, amidst the madness of others rushing from point to point (not that I don't sometimes [read: often] run to the T). But I get to relax for a time, and I like to read or play games on my Nintendo DS. These two activities allow me to settle back and enjoy the work of others, instead of feeling like I should be accomplishing something.
There is something about the environment as well, with the throngs of people milling forward and backward, shuffling and asleep standing up or hyped on coffee, that impresses one with society. Why, I can't really say at this point. [Or perhaps I'm just leaving out a voluminous tangent on crowd dynamics.] But the unique people who don't accept normalcy or strive for that impossible standard are the ones that I love to watch. The man I enjoyed watching this week was a musician in a T station, and I agree with my friends who are impressed by the T performers, he was good. He was a flutist! How about that? And he was playing Ravel's Bolero, a song I don't normally care for (too repetitive), but this man standing in the middle of the crowds playing Bolero, it really was a wonderful experience.
That man made the location. He transformed it with his simple and well-intoned flute-playing. I love that kind of person, and I wonder who he is. What brings such inclination to him? Does he enjoy playing the flute as much as I enjoyed hearing it? When did he start? Was this always what he wanted to do? Probably not, but to him I tip my hat. He was stepping out of the crowd. He didn't hurry along like myself and the thousands, millions, and billions of others. His art made my morning better. And now don't I wish I could pay him to continue his art.
My commute takes approximately an hour, with me leaving me walking to the T (the Boston subway system), taking it for about 15 minutes, waiting another 15 minutes, and then riding a train for about 20 minutes. After I leap off the train with a superhuman jump, I walk not much more than a minute to work. That is a great commute because I don't do anything for that time, it's a period where I can focus on my own thoughts or read the thoughts of others. I love that feeling. It gives me peace for a good 45 minutes, amidst the madness of others rushing from point to point (not that I don't sometimes [read: often] run to the T). But I get to relax for a time, and I like to read or play games on my Nintendo DS. These two activities allow me to settle back and enjoy the work of others, instead of feeling like I should be accomplishing something.
There is something about the environment as well, with the throngs of people milling forward and backward, shuffling and asleep standing up or hyped on coffee, that impresses one with society. Why, I can't really say at this point. [Or perhaps I'm just leaving out a voluminous tangent on crowd dynamics.] But the unique people who don't accept normalcy or strive for that impossible standard are the ones that I love to watch. The man I enjoyed watching this week was a musician in a T station, and I agree with my friends who are impressed by the T performers, he was good. He was a flutist! How about that? And he was playing Ravel's Bolero, a song I don't normally care for (too repetitive), but this man standing in the middle of the crowds playing Bolero, it really was a wonderful experience.
That man made the location. He transformed it with his simple and well-intoned flute-playing. I love that kind of person, and I wonder who he is. What brings such inclination to him? Does he enjoy playing the flute as much as I enjoyed hearing it? When did he start? Was this always what he wanted to do? Probably not, but to him I tip my hat. He was stepping out of the crowd. He didn't hurry along like myself and the thousands, millions, and billions of others. His art made my morning better. And now don't I wish I could pay him to continue his art.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy new year
Fears
In new years
That might surface
With no purpose
But end
That tear and rend
A vicious blend
I’m seeking to fight
Late in this night
With victomless might
I’ll try to write
Against those leaders
Ignoring the bleeders
Losing limbs and other parts
Maybe most of all hearts
Can I see you cry
Without celebs in your eye?
I try to fly beyond it,
But I get hit
In the pit of my stomach
Dark and black
Take me back
To where I was
Looking on war
I dropped my jaw
At what I saw
The children dead
The parents bled
Wounds I read
In newspapers and nets
On trains and jets
But I just did nothing
While they cried and died
I think I’m running
From the monster come munching
The grass and trees
He don’t notice the pleas
Masses on their knees
Just more of the same
To put up buildings in some name
Does Dubya get the blame
Or a dedicated building for his crimes
Cause presidents so deserve
No matter how they serve
In these trying times
I’m sick of these rhymes
And their associated subjects
I wish they were rejects
Instead of the headlines
Pumped out for deadlines
That take in the cash
Like Iraq
Overbearing like Shaq
A slowdown for us
We took the wrong bus
I guess I better get off and start walking
Cause I'm sure tired of talking.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Hometown winter bike ride
Today I rode my bike at a time later in the afternoon than would normally be wise. It had already began to feel as if the darkness were coming on, but in the winter time, it always feels like the evening is ready to descend. I love the evening, and one of the strongest determinants of that chilling atmosphere is cloud cover. I detest flat gray clouds hovering far beyond my reach, filling the sky with one somber tone. But I adore when the clouds break themselves up with shafts of blue sky and the sun is always just hidden, granting clouds glowing outlines.
That was today. Cloudy with the sun ever striving to appear. And so I went on a bike ride as the sun started its retreat down into the hills west of Gilroy. The air was crisp and clear after last night’s landscape shrouding rain and my bike felt good, a tool for me to get farther from the city than my legs would take me. So, not foolish exactly, but aware of the slowy descending darkness, I went out to Day Road, just at the northwest edge of Gilroy, and made my trip out into the western hills. After crossing over hills and twisting back around toward the city via Watsonville and Burchell Roads, I finally came up the backside of Mantelli hill, at the cusp of Gilroy’s western side.
I almost always ride the reverse of today, starting by going over Mantelli and returning by Day. I’m glad I broke from normalcy, because just as I rode up the first hill and turned around to one of my favorite lookouts, I caught a stunning sky blending with the hillsides by way of dark blue clouds clinging to the forests. The sky directly over the hills was orange with a hint of pink and purple hues as the sun remained visible only through the glowing seams of the clouds. Retreating east were dark vibrant blues, tinting the dark green hills. Tendrils of cloud and fog hung over the high hills and I wish I had had a camera, though no photo would have done that panoramic view justice.
I say all this because it is such times that I am thankful for my existence, and that I feel that my purpose might be clearly to exist. I imagine you aren’t surprised at my words turning philosophical, so I will state my final point simply here: People question what the meaning of life is, and I say that life is the meaning. Existence, more specifically, is our purpose, the meaning to our lives and the greater universe. One of my great friends says that we exist, and there is no purpose, we just exist, there is no creator, the universe just is. Get that? The universe is. But my feelings, my dreams, my spirituality cries out for more. I say instead that the universe is because it is meant to be.
Purpose. That’s what I put forth. I think there is purpose and meaning, but I think it is simpler than good or bad, large or small. I feel that the state of the universe to exist is beautiful. Yes, I also think we can make it not beautiful, by causing things not to be. I pray for the power to exist and not harm those things that also exist. I can only try and regard everything with respect. To just exist and experience the earth is enough. But of course not everyone allows things to just exist, and to them I put my sincerest hopes that they let destruction be nature’s call. There is enough destruction naturally, and it alone is a thoughtless cleaning and clearing. We, who have sentience, have not the right to such thoughtlessness.
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